tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31190173577998594562024-02-07T19:43:03.824-08:00Jennica and Tylers SpotJennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-52840192305653701452021-06-10T22:11:00.001-07:002021-06-10T22:11:26.529-07:00Becoming someone new<p> Yesterday I wore a tank top. That might not seem like something big to most people, but to me it was huge. </p><p>I haven't shown my shoulders in years unless I was in a swim suit. I didn't wear tank tops in the summer ever. I was taught it was immodest. Even before I got married and started wearing gs under everything I still never wore a tank top by itself. </p><p>Here's the kicker though, I still didn't wear it all day. Not from feeling uncomfortable for showing my shoulders freely but because the lace on one side of the shirt was chafing my skin haha. It would have touched my skin even if I wore something underneath it. </p><p>Still what an odd thing to be shamed over growing up. I did feel awkward, I'm not going to lie, but not in the guilted way. Like why are my shoulders immodest? </p><p>I have one pair of shorts. Like actual shorts I bought for running years ago. Other than that, nothing. Part of that is because I got rid of clothes after I had Emerly, and haven't had the urge to really buy shorts. </p><p>Anyways, I feel like after this year of hard grieving and covid krap I'm trying to find myself. I'm trying to find what makes me comfortable. One day me and ty will probably try a drink, maybe even a coffee or tea. I'm still confused on what tea is considered good or bad in the LDS religion so I just never drank it really. Ya know...just in case of something. </p><p>As I find myself a little more I might be able to reconcile with what I believe in. I'm now looking at how everyone else raises their kids outside of the LDS religion. I'm slightly terrified of the thought of living in my neighborhood when my kids are teenagers and their friends are going to young women's/men's camp and youth conference and efy. I think that will be the time of our lives we will live in a different country. Let our kids really experience a different culture. Accept everyone for who they are and who they love. </p><p>One last thing, I had someone ask me recently if we had our records removed from the church. I said no, then they were like see you can come back. No. I will never come back. This is not a phase. I'm not a teenager going through a goth phase or anything like that. Let me reiterate to you, my dad got a blessing from Elder Holland to work on the temple and then he had a heart attack at the temple and died. Betrayal of all things I used to believe in?! Hell yes. That was the straw that broke the horses back so to say. </p><p>I miss him so much. There better be a heaven or I'm really going to be pissed when I die. </p>Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-65543280317224842982021-05-02T08:38:00.001-07:002021-05-02T08:38:31.449-07:00Hope in heaven <p> A little over a year. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I play cards with you every night before bed. Spider solitaire. Your favorite, you would get stuck on it on your iPad and I'd come along and finish the game. It's the only card game I play. I haven't played rummy, gin rummy or idiot in over a year. I don't know when I'll be able to play them again even thinking about yelling to you YOUR TURN makes me cry. I miss you soo much. </p><p>I've driven to Salt Lake twice this year. Both times had panic attacks in the car. It's so hard. That week was so traumatizing. Driving to the hospital every day hoping your eyes would focus on us. Instead they only rolled. </p><p>Emerly lately has been wondering a lot about what happens when we die. Where do we go? What do we look like? Who will be there? It scares me that I feel like I don't know anymore. I tell her we have a spirit and a body because that makes sense to me. We will see you in heaven and hug you. That's what I hope for, what I dream for. </p><p>Being raised LDS and literally losing all faith has been hard. Everyone around me is LDS, and so it's not easy to talk about with them. Those who have left the church are bitter or angry and blame the church for many things... I am bitter and angry but I feel like my reasons do not align with others and so I also do not fit in with those people either. </p><p>Granted I've rarely fit in anywhere. I was talking to Tyler the other day about how friendly and friend loving our daughter is. She is so kind. She wants to be everyone's friend and she loves people. Most kids do, they are great. But friends in general have changed as you grow up. When your little your friends are there to play and have fun. It's seriously the best time in life. </p><p>Things I think changed for me when I went into Spectrum. The friends I had in school no longer wanted to be my friends because I got put into the "smart kids class". Even if we were in the same neighborhood. I remember going to church and they would be kind to me there but at school they would ignore me, like I wasn't cool enough, good enough or pretty enough. </p><p>Then in junior high I met a friend and she brought me into her group of friends. I still felt like an outsider always trying to impress the others. They had established bonds, and it never felt like they wanted me there but because the coolest one wanted me there I was allowed. Thank goodness for people like her. </p><p>I think I've always felt like I need to impress others or get them to like me. Maybe that's why I don't like people. </p><p>There was a girl, she wanted to be my friend. She didn't have many friends, if any. I was afraid of what others would think if I was her friend. Because she wasn't cool enough. I was a mean girl. I regret that soo much. I always tell Emerly the most important thing is to be kind. I'm hoping that I am teaching her to be the friend to everyone. To be the girl that brings in the odd duck. To be brave and play with anyone. </p><p>Now as an adult I find that defining what a friend is can be difficult and easy at the same time. I know I have friends. But I still feel that need to please the people around me in order for them to keep liking me. </p><p>So going back to leaving the church had me worried that I would lose those friends I had made. I don't know what I believe in. I hope there is a heaven. I hope I see my dad again. He was my best friend. He was my daddy. And I feel like I missed out on knowing more about him. I think of my own mortality and how I've lived my life. Would I change anything? Is my story interesting enough for my kids to want to know me more after I'm gone? Probably not haha. I'm just an average person. At least they will have these ramblings to look back on. HI KIDS YOU MOM WAS KIND OF CRAZY. But the good kind of crazy. Freaking papa didn't even keep one journal. And your mom who didn't think her dad would die so early didn't hold onto one piece of paper that he wrote her. Not even a birthday card. Thank goodness your uncle went on a mission and we have those letters. So there's something. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-22626418568071002202021-03-17T18:13:00.003-07:002021-03-17T19:10:44.753-07:001 year later.... <p> Captains log, it's been 365 days since your body was still with us. Today marks the anniversary of when we as a family decided it would be best to turn off the machines keeping you alive. You would have agreed. You never wanted to be a burden to anyone. If you had Alzheimer's like your dad you always said you would go to the mountains and disappear. </p><p>But you also said you would get twinkled. You never said you would go unexpectedly. Or be in ICU for a week. It feels more like you really died on the 11th... and then till the 17th it was a roller coaster of hope to pain and absolute trauma. I wish that upon no one else. So the last week has been a wash of emotions from consciously trying not to think of you at all to remembering how much I freaking miss you and how much it hurts to think about your last week of "life". </p><p>Great now Chicago's Inspiration is playing on the random playlist for the kids and I am bawling. I miss singing or listening to this song with you. Going to RC Willeys for free hot dogs or just hanging out in your shop. Even RC willeys is demolished now. Sometimes I like when your songs come on and sometimes I hate it. </p><p>I'm still bitter and angry. I hate how we couldn't have a normal funeral or even a birthday party for Emerly and there was only 50 cases in Utah at the time. But one year later and we had a big birthday party with just family. Which being in Utah is still big. I hated seeing people this last year have weddings or funerals. I have a hard time when I see someone clearly older than you were and in worse health and they are still alive. I feel terrible for hating literally every single person over 65. I get mad at people for being alive when your not. I get annoyed at people I actually do like. It's not fair, and you liked to remind us of that all the time, life isn't fair. </p><p>Today I got freaking spoiled by a friend who also lost a parent. What a disheartening thing to connect us forever. Literally she made the day soo good that I started worrying about my siblings and who was taking care of them today. It's been a hard year. </p><p>Parker knows you. He knows your voice because of videos and he knows you because he sees your picture and says papa. It KILLS me that my kids won't remember you. It's not fair. They should be giving you double arm hugs and I should be yelling at you for scratching their face and making it all red from your bearded face kisses. I miss yelling at you that it's your turn. I miss your daily calls. I miss your advice. I miss complaining to you. I miss you. </p><p>I had a dream the other night and you weren't dead in it. You were alive and I hugged you and then I had to go. It was the worst thing to wake up to. I wish I knew I would see you again but I only hope. I'm broken. </p><p>I can't go to your grave site still. I drove past it the other day and had anxiety before hand because I knew I had to. </p><p>I also hate that I feel like your siblings don't give a krap about us. Like I knew we were the not most liked family I guess beforehand, but becoming an adult and seeing how I love being in my nieces and nephews lives really bothers me that none of my aunts or uncles on your side ever cared to do anything with us ever. I love seeing my siblings care about my kids and Tyler's siblings really dote on all their nieces and nephews. Maybe it's a generation thing. Or maybe it's the parks hold grudges over the stupidiest things like teasing and need to just stop. Maybe it's covid just making the relationships grow further apart but it's ARGHH annoying as fuck y'all. All of it. </p><p>Anyways I'm also pissed that my iPhone deleted your messages to me. Luckily I have them screenshotted and saved but still... I cried. It was just like another part of you disappeared forever. I want my daddy back. I doubt the pain will ever go away but I find that when I don't think of you, then I can function like a human being instead of a zombie. That's how much it hurts. I can't even bring myself to think of you. Today I have, today I have cried. </p><p>My other friend had her baby today. She's a wonderful person. I won't post this publicly because she will feel guilty for something she can't control. That's how great she is. She's really quite endearing. I wish I was like her. </p><p>Something I never thought I would have is good friends, and look here I am talking about two of them. Another two messaged me today and that was just so nice to be thought of. </p><p>You were my best friend for so long. And yet you also were gone a lot of our lives working. So it hurts you didn't even retire to spend time with your family. You would have hated retirement. Always needed to be working, and the thing is my house has soo many projects I would have kept you busy and the kids could have enjoyed their papa. </p><p>So now I will do my best to not think of you as much, so I can be present for my kids. I love you. I miss you. </p>Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-58725807162834859152020-09-16T02:09:00.003-07:002020-09-16T02:09:58.972-07:006 months post 2<p> Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night like now, I only think of two things. Either you, or how much I've been failing as a mom/wife lately. Isn't that just a freaking sedative to go back to sleep on.</p><p>Ya know what makes me angry? When I drive past cemetery's and see posts on Facebook of people actually having funerals. We didn't get that. We didn't even hug your siblings because it happened so soon after lockdown. I want memories of you shared. I want to laugh and cry with people who you touched. I want to know that you are missed by others as badly as I miss you. I want to keep you alive. </p><p>People try to be empathic, say yes I lost my dad to. But did you have SIX days of him on life support?! Did you hear his labored breathing? Did you see him open his eyes and not see you? Did you plead and yell and wish to everything that he just would wake up?! The 11-17th is a six month week reminder of the hell and trauma we went though in March. How am I supposed to be a good mom on my daughters birthday every year when her third birthday was barely anything. Let alone next year. How the fuck do I celebrate my daughters birthday and mourn your one year?! </p><p>I hate this. </p><p>I wish so badly that when I think of you I don't clearly think of your last days so vividly. I wish I could instead recall your laugh or your annoying us or just talking to us. I have videos and voice messages and I'm so grateful for that, but it's not enough. I'm happy the last words we spoke to each other were of love and our texts were fun. But my kids don't get you. I don't get you. </p><p>Besides Tyler and the kids, you are my favorite person in the whole world. You were everyone's. It hurts soo much. Make it stop. You always said it'll stop hurting when the pain goes away so make it go away! ðŸ˜</p><p><br /></p><p>I feel guilty when I don't want to think of you or talk about you because that's the only way I can be slightly numb to the pain and not cry the entire day. But I think of you every day. Every time I share something of the kid with mom or tys mom, I miss sending it to you to. Every time I drive up my mountain road and look for wildlife I think of you. Every time I play a game with someone and your not there I miss beating you or losing and you gloating. Every time I talk to mom I hear her pain I wish I lived closer to give her a hug. </p><p><br /></p><p>Thank you for being so wonderful it hurts so much but also I'm pissed your gone. You didn't even give us a warning. Fucking doctors saying you had a lung infection. </p><p><br /></p><p>Lastly if you could, give some karma to the cow since she's putting more trauma on our trauma year. Selfish cow. </p>Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-68106077456861778902020-09-15T07:12:00.001-07:002020-09-15T07:12:04.624-07:006 months <p> Every time I think of you it's like the wound is open wide again. I don't hyper ventilate cry as much anymore, but the tears still come. I hate dreaming of you because I wake up and remember your gone. I remember my kids are growing up without their papa. It's the worst. </p><p>I miss your almost daily phone calls, I miss your advice, I miss yelling at you that it's your turn, I miss the feel of your scratchy yet soft and actually groomed beard when I'd kiss your cheeks. I miss getting mad at your for hurting your head again and why aren't you wearing a hard hat? I miss you being the whitest person in the summer when we compared legs on the boat. I miss boating with you. I miss bringing you lunch while we all ate on the beach. I miss you. This summers been hard without you in it. We've had fun, but it's not the same. Nothing's the same. </p><p>It's not fair. All you had to do was wake up. </p><p>Parker said papa for the first time yesterday. I sometimes hope he isn't talking as much as he should be because he's talking with you still. You missed him walking, your missing his laughs and so much. It's not fair. </p><p>Emerly misses you and wants to go to heaven to get you back. She doesn't scream I miss papa as much in tantrums anymore, partly I think because I've stopped crying by her. </p><p>I think of you every day, and I just want to talk to you and you talk back. Just one more time.</p><p>I can't write anymore because now I'm bawling. So much for not hyper ventilate crying anymore. </p><p><br /></p>Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-6288777092959145662020-06-21T22:40:00.001-07:002020-06-21T22:40:43.661-07:00My amazing siblingsThree months and a few extra days since you've been gone. What's changed? A lot. A shit storm. But I need to write something positive. Anything. Because if I don't, that hole in my heart keeps me awake. It's hard to sleep.... I don't hear you gasping for breathe anymore.... when I do I can't cry quietly. Now I have new terrors keeping me awake at night. New worries.<br />
So for now, here's something positive.<br />
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I'm grateful for my siblings and my mom. I love them fiercely. They have not always been there for me, and I have not always been there for them...but I will fight you if I need to should you treat them with disrespect of any kind. Granted, they won't let me fight you. They have restraint. They have patience. They have kindness. I don't understand people who take advantage of those with good hearts. I don't get why people say cruel and heartless things to others who still have a gaping wound in their heart due to you leaving us.<br />
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Some of my siblings are too kind. They find it hard to say no to others, they are people pleasers. I am the opposite in a way, I can say no. I want to yell and scream and go all Kung fu. Im so angry and maybe I should take up kick boxing or something because oye vey.<br />
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I miss my dads reasoning and advice. He never had a lot of words to say, but he always knew the right ones. He didn't offend people like I do.<br />
I just want to word vomit. But I can't. You'd think this could be a safe space but it's not. If someone reads it and takes it the wrong way, the offense is created. So should I care? Maybe.<br />
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As usual lately my sentiments are all over the place. This Father's Day went to the krapper. I have yet to even make it awesome for my husband because I can't get my brain out of this fog.<br />
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So I shall listen to the Frozen songs advice on grief and "Do the next right thing" because that's really all I can do.<br />
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Also Emerly crying today and saying I want Papa back pretty much broke me again. She saw an airplane in the sky and said Papas in the plane mama. If only that were true.Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-37152469107478701292020-05-11T11:02:00.000-07:002020-05-11T13:49:46.489-07:00Guess this is my grief journalTwo months since your heart attack.<br />
Two months since my world went upside down, along with the rest of society. Great timing dad.<br />
Two months of tears. Some days it's just a trickle, some days I feel like I can't breathe.<br />
Everything is a trigger. When someone kindly says let's heart attack another person--meant out of kindness throws me into tears. When I'm watching my new favorite comedy and the dad has a heart attack and survives it... another show the dad has a heart attack and passes. Can we just not have any more heart attacks or dads leaving the earth too soon?!<br />
Gardening sucks, working on my house sucks, hearing my 3 year old say she misses papa and his calls and my 1 year old looking at old videos smiling his head off just sucks. At least we have those videos.<br />
Without those videos the thoughts of you in the hospital come back to me all too fresh. You opening your eyes but not seeing me. Your hands swelling with each passing day. And worst of all the sound of your final breathes. Why couldn't you have just woken up?!!!<br />
I remember calling the emergency room and they said you were responsive. That gave me hope. How I wish I would have begged to talk to you then, to tell you we were all speeding up to see you. To be with you. Only to find out you coded...twice. So the 11th to me is your first death day, the rest was limbo hell...and afterwards it's only been hell.<br />
I miss your phone calls. I don't like talking to anyone else. I miss playing cards with you and telling dad it's your turn. I miss stealing your iPad from you and finishing the spider solitaire game. I miss you stealing my food off my plate and sneaking me a cookie.<br />
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I'm so lost. I'm like a zombie robot. Pretending to be happy around others and my kids while simultaneously just living.<br />
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I'm so mad I love you so much that it hurts so much. To think I have to live soo many years without you and your advice and antics is the worst. I need my daddy back. This isn't fair.<br />
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People try to be empathetic and I feel like I'm so rude. They don't get it. Ok, so you had a parent die from an illness that was expected... you were ripped away from me. They have faith in the LDS teachings, and send me quotes by apostles. You were good friends with apostles and even had a blessing about working on the temple...you should have retired. Where was the Holy Ghost in that blessing? Where was the prompting to say you should spend your last precious moments with your family rather than waking up early, working late, working weekends all for your dream job you can't even complete. If an apostle can't even get that prompting what good is my faith anymore? People ask, did you eat right and exercise? You did. Probably one too many cookies but otherwise nothing to worry about. Stupid doctors who told you you had a lung infection. Stubborn you for not going back. And I hate this but I hate being mad at mom to for not bugging you more. The worst thing is I can't even change anything. Nothing I say or do now will bring you back. Nothing.<br />
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I know I've repeated these thoughts before, I'm an endless broken record. I don't know how to process what happened. I don't know how to accept that your gone. I don't know how to have patience to wait to see you again when I die. Patience is not something you taught me to have.<br />
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Last night our final round of trivia crack ended officially. I kept it going because I miss you so much. I didn't mind losing to you.<br />
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Before this happened, Em had gymnastics, swim and dance. We even did preschool together every day. Now I'm lucky if we do one day of preschool during the week. I could re-register Em for dance and gymnastics but my motivation to do that is just gone. I'd rather just soak up all our time together just playing. Thank goodness for work at home with ty. IJennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-76379601817843012562020-04-27T07:15:00.001-07:002020-04-27T07:29:10.263-07:00Be kind with your wordsWow, the reaction to that last post was unexpected. Some of it was cruel even. Definitely even reminded me of our political system right now, y'all went left or right. Sooo I think this will be my last public post for awhile.<br />
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Struggling with my religious beliefs was something that I have had issues with way before my dad died. But here's the thing, I don't hate Mormonism. I actually love the church, I think the cultural and community are a great thing. The humanitarian efforts around the world makes my heart happy. But to believe in everything is a bit hard for me and I don't understand some aspects. Like they are too mean spirited or cruel. Or just plain weird as fuck. My dads death, was the straw the broke the camels back I guess you could say. Also if you were offended by my swearing in the previous post, you clearly don't know me. I was a pirate mouth before and when I'm anxious or stressed I'm a bloody pirate all day. Yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me... except the bad eggs and alcohol.</div>
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To tell me, someone who is grieving easily my favorite person in the world, beside my husband and kids, that I don't LOVE or HONOR my dad because I choose not to believe in all aspects of Mormonism is cruel, heartless and extremely unChristlike . Definitely not something my dad would say to me. You sirs can all unfriend me right now. I'm serious. I don't even understand how you could say that to anyone who just lost someone so dear to them. </div>
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So as I figure out my new normal, how to live without my dad, how to have faith that maybe God isn't a complete dick... I really still think he is though. How to raise my children believing in being kind and good humans and if we want to take them to any church so they can decide for themselves is something that I ponder and think about daily. What I don't need is people chastising me during this time. Or acting like I've lost my soul or my soul is dead so they are having a funeral for me. I'm still me. </div>
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Other reactions have been those of just love and kindness. I appreciate you soo much and I'm so happy to know I actually have friends... it's hard though for me. I was friendless a majority of my life, maybe one or two good friends but not many. My best friend was my dad. He helped me when I wanted to kill myself multiple times. So if I was socially awkward before all this madness, add social distancing and I'm an ugly duckling who has no idea how to turn into the swan. I am trying. Even when I don't want to reply to texts or messages, I do. But I need a break from Facebook. So love y'all, but unless I get a local influence offer for free food again I won't be posting for awhile. </div>
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Lastly many of you read the last post but did not read the post before that, I think that might help some of you understand a bit where my thought process is at. So I'm linking it here http<a href="http://jennicaspot.blogspot.com/2020/03/faith-shaken-not-stirred.html">://jennicaspot.blogspot.com/2020/03/faith-shaken-not-stirred.html</a>e </div>
Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-12489148786055178922020-04-23T11:46:00.000-07:002020-04-23T11:46:09.920-07:00God is a Dick.What do I even believe in anymore? I really was fine with death before. People died... and I was like ok, they are in heaven. Babies died, and I would be like ok, they were too good for this earth. I got that bad things happen to good people.<br />
I still can't understand or comprehend why this happened. I can't even process the whole COVID stuff very well either because I'm still trying to process this.<br />
It's been over a month and I can't even be a good mom half the time. I haven't taught Emerly preschool for awhile, she misses it. I'm barely keeping it together just playing with the kids. Few days she sees me cry and tells me to stop. She doesn't get it. She doesn't get that she is missing out on the best person ever. Parker will never really know him. It's so unfair.<br />
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I will never forgive God for this. I'm stubborn, and I will hold this grudge.<br />
My dad was the best. I miss him soo much. I still cry almost every day. I miss his phone calls, I miss playing games with him, I miss talking to him about how to deal with other people in the family, I miss asking him for help and telling him he needs to teach Tyler how to do it.<br />
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This is my therapy at the moment. Just writing thoughts down. I don't like talking to people. They say, I'll pray for you. Fuck that. No offense but what prayers helped my dad? None.<br />
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His premature death that ripped him away so cruelly from our lives has broken me.<br />
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So I've been thinking a lot about my religious beliefs. I stopped wearing garments. I don't feel right wearing them anymore. I don't like the idea of three degrees of heaven. I believe in a God, who is really a dick---seriously, have you seen the world lately?? Besides not giving a shit about one of his most loyal wonderful humans ever, have you read the freaking news? Anyways... I also believe in an afterlife. I have to. I don't believe in karma.<br />
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What else I believe in, to live kindly and care about your fellow humans. To serve others. To love everyone. I believe in taking care of your body.... but even when you try you'll still have a gigantic ass heart attack so you might as well eat the ice cream.<br />
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Anyways... therapy session done for today, now if the tears can stay at bay till 5. That's when Tyler's off work. How I would manage without him working from home to take Emerly for lunch is beyond me right now.Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-14458734318308437472020-03-25T22:13:00.001-07:002020-03-25T22:13:26.338-07:00Faith shaken not stirredIt's been two weeks since my dad had a heart attack. Mind you, he had more than one that day but not the point. And I'm angry and confused.<br />
My dad was a great man. He helped everyone. So many stories have come out of him going out of his way to help others, and it doesn't even surprise me. He was Christlike. He loved going to temples with my mom. They wanted to go to as many as they could. He LOVED building temples for the church. He supervised the building of the Vernal Ut temple. I remember going to his house there in the summer or on breaks and finding grasshoppers. Seeing the dinosaur park and eating at what he called a "hole in the wall" cafe. I honestly looked for a hole in the wall when we ate there. My dad decided this last year that instead of retiring he would accept his dream job of supervising the historical restoration of the Salt Lake temple. He went to temple sessions with those involved. He would wake up before the butt crack of dawn and head into Salt Lake.<br />
He was also trying his best to live a healthier life. He went to the doctor for an ekg a month before and they told him he had a lung infection. He bought an exercise bike for indoors. In good weather he was always biking around anyways. He ordered chicken instead of a hamburger when he went to Red Robin with my sister.<br />
And yet....<br />
He had a heart attack he couldn't wake up from.<br />
He was responsive when he went into the ER, but the heart attack in the cath lab...was too damaging.<br />
I yelled at him to wake up. I pleaded with him to stay for my kids. To stay for me.<br />
But he wasn't there. I knew it when his eyes would open but they weren't looking.<br />
I'm so angry.<br />
What good are ekgs? What good are prayers, fasting and living correctly if you can't get a Holy Ghost to prompt you to go to the doctor one more time?! If anyone had soo much good karma to finally be owed a miracle it'd be my dad.<br />
Instead I see an old guy with a beard smoking in the parking lot of the hospital every time I left it holding his IVs and draped in hospital gowns. Why does he get to live?!<br />
I find my dads patriarchal blessing and it says if you honor your parents you'll live a long life. Bullshit. He honored and would help his mom every time she needed it, not to mention his love for his dad.<br />
I couldn't even bring myself to go to my grandmas funeral which was the same day as my dads but earlier because I'm soo mad that she got to live longer. For as long as I can remember she only wanted to die. She would give us things and say, here I won't be here next month how about you have it. Or she would call my dad up to give her an end of life blessing, she even woke up in the middle of the night the night before she died and said, "I'm still alive?!" Seriously.<br />
She just sat on her couch. Ugh... she was a wonderfully nice woman and grandma, and normally I'd be sad or resigned to the fact that she's gone... but today, I'm just pissed at her.<br />
The last time I hugged my dad was Parker's birthday. It's not fair.<br />
He just had to wake up... even just for a little bit. But no, he was ripped from us and we went through limbo hell.<br />
I know I can't change anything but I'm so mad.<br />
What good are prayers from apostles if nothing worked?<br />
<br />
So yeah... That's where I'm at currently. I'm angry and confused. I cry every night. The world keeps going crazier and I'm like cool let's just ride this thing with our hands up now and no seat belts on because does it even matter anymore?! During the day, I feel like a zombie with my kids. I'm trying. I have to act happy with them because ignorance is bliss on their part and they really don't get it. I am getting a lot of distraction with a garden I'm attempting. The person I'd ask for advice for is gone so we'll see how things work out. Gosh I miss him. Parker saw a video of him with Emerly and started to stick out his tongue at him. They would do that forever on FaceTime. Freaking FaceTime... can't save or retrieve those videos.<br />
<br />
On the plus side... because again, I am trying... people are wonderful people still. So thank you to anyone who is still being nice to me because I know I'm kind of a stick in the mud. I don't know how to move on from this, I don't know how to regain any faith from this. My dad was my rock. I know bad things happen to good people blah blah blah... but whatever.Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-35809172507652904022020-03-17T22:27:00.001-07:002020-03-17T22:32:28.324-07:00Hardest week of my lifeI was going to post on Facebook, just a blurb but then I'd have to deal with comments and likes and what not. I'm not quite ready for that so hopefully this will suffice any questions or curiosities that people may have. Also I apparently only blog on major occasions.<br />
March 11th, I get a call my dad is being rushed to the hospital because he passes out. I find a wonderful friend to watch my children and start to go. I called the ER, they tell me he is responsive but had a heart attack. I drive for what feels like forever to University hospital. I go to the waiting room and I see my oldest brother crying. That's not right. Brandon doesn't cry. Brandon is strong and makes fun of everything and hunts and can cut people up and put them back together. Brandon doesn't cry. I knew something was wrong before he said papas heart stopped beating and they did CPR for 45 min. They are now trying to place a stent in. Basically I lose it. I'm still losing it, but more quietly. Less of my sister asking me if I need medication.<br />
They got the stent in, but it wasn't enough. His brain didn't get the oxygen it needed and when he was simply supposed to wake up....he didn't. He just got worse. So began the limbo hell. Do we wait it out to see if there is any chance he wakes up? Do we let him go because we know he doesn't want machines attached to him? Hell. Straight up.<br />
<br />
So today became St. Papas day.<br />
<br />
I'm going to miss you soo much. I'm so angry right now, and scared and beyond depressed. It physically hurts how much I miss you already. The worst is my kids won't get to be played with by papa anymore and Parker didn't get a nickname from you yet. I only have two pictures of you and Parker together, luckily one set are live so they are like mini videos. You FaceTimed him all the time and just stuck your dang tongue out at each other and Parker would point at the phone and laugh and laugh. Freaking FaceTime doesn't save videos. We should have Marco polod but let's be honest there was only so much technology you could handle. You were so excited to get an iPhone you FaceTimed Emerly almost every day for two weeks. Sadly, Emerly is a stinker with phones so we had to limit her FaceTime with papa. I'm so sorry. I'm so mad at myself for so many things. Like why didn't I call you back Tuesday instead of waiting for you to call? I was planning on calling you Wednesday night after you got off work.<br />
<br />
I'm a daddys girl. Always have been, always will be. I took his opinion on who I dated more serious than he probably thought. He would always say what about TyTy whenever I would go on a date with a guy while ty was on his mission. He loved teaching ty how to do things around the house. Who do I ask for help now?! You were basically a living google. We didn't even buy our first home without you walking through it and saying yup this is a good deal. Ya know what, it was. We lived there for seven years and barely did anything to it till we decided to move. You helped us redo the deck by using your old treks from when you redid your deck with new treks because why waste a good thing? . I didn't get your walkthrough opinion on our krap house before we bought it because I figured you'd help us fix it up. Seriously, do you know how much work is left to do?!<br />
<br />
I guess I get to rummage around your shop aimlessly trying to figure out what will help me. You built moms house in the shape of an L for her name. Such a freaking romantic, we loved watching Ever After together. Or cutting edge, overboard, basically any romance sappy movie we'd watch together. When I had depression you were there. When Tyler left on his mission we watched Tron and transformers and you played cards with me all the time. Idiot, rummy (you'd always go for the aces), nopeeke, crazy 8s, speed. Gin rummy. Sequence game nights with mom. Whose going to be on Tyler's team now?<br />
<br />
I never needed lots of friends because you were one of my best friends. I could always depend on you. It never mattered what I did you always loved me. I think you yelled at me maybe twice... once for sticking food behind the fridge and mice got in the house. You always would check my room for spiders because I was terrified of them.<br />
<br />
Going to RC Willeys with you to get a hot dog and nothing else was one of my favorite activities. Of course if we saw a yard sale or something with a really good deal we couldn't pass it up. Like the one time we went to X Men together and came home with a motorcycle... it was too good of a deal to pass up. Or when mom bought her the Kia and two weeks later you bought her a Honda because it was such a good deal. Or whenever you came home from grocery shopping and bought the weirdest food and cereal because they were on sale. Always browsing KSL for good deals, goodness it's a good thing you didn't know how to Facebook marketplace.<br />
<br />
I'm sorry I bought you Jazz tickets to a San Antonio game... in San Antonio... I blame the other siblings for trusting me hahah. I am so grateful we were able to send you to Alaska for your 60th birthday but I'm sad you didn't catch that salmon you always wanted to catch.<br />
<br />
You are the rock of the family. Whenever I argue with Terra or Brandon you are my reasonable sounding board and you bring us back together.<br />
<br />
Who else is going to have elephants rumble under the table with me? Everyone actually cares about not farting around people. We just tried to out stink each other.<br />
<br />
You taught me to serve others, always try to shovel snow from peoples drive and do it with a four wheeler. Secret Santa families because we have been given plenty. You didn't teach me how to deal with this pain. Your favorite saying was it'll stop hurting when the pain goes away. I don't think it ever will.<br />
<br />
This is enough for tonight. It's a good thing I'm typing otherwise these words would be smeared with tears. Sorry this is all over the place.Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-65949176250134787252019-02-19T14:07:00.003-08:002019-02-19T14:07:15.447-08:00Welcome to the World Parker Reed and all the blessing that cameClearly I use this blog on a regular basis. But at least I have it for these moments in life :D<br />
<br />
So a quick catch up: In the last two years, Emerly was a terrible newborn/infant. She had reflux that made her cry pretty much non stop. We held her at night and would switch off who would hold her for the next hour and a half after her feed. It was rough. Then she outgrew it (1 year later) and became a happy, spunky, sassy, strong willed toddler who we love and adore. She will be 2 next month and I just love her to pieces. She is also a bit spoiled as she has gone to Disneyland twice and the east coast twice in her short little life. Currently, she is taking tumbling and swim lessons and she LOVES them. We also visit the Curiosity Museum, the Butterfly Biosphere and the aquarium. We are trying our best to get to know our new neighbors and make friends so that we can have more play dates and so that I can be more social--i.e. help my anxiety and depression to stay at bay.<br />
<br />
We also sold our house that we lived in for 7 years and moved to Cedar Hills. That was not necessarily the plan. We had decided we wanted to grow our family, BUT we did NOT want the baby and Emerly to share a room due to how severe her reflux was and if the next baby was like that, they would need space. So we started to house hunt in the Weber/Davis county area. We also discussed Tyler's career and how we thought he should be making more, so he started applying at tons of places and got a lot of interviews close by. Then he got an interview at Canopy, a tax company near Thanksgiving Point. Then the job offer :O we were stunned and so happy by how it was exactly what our family needed, after accepting that job, we decided to house hunt the next Saturday in the Utah county area. Here's the kicker--we had put offers in on houses in the Weber/Davis county area but not ONE came through or worked out in any way. The Saturday we looked at the house in Cedar Hills, our offer was accepted--the next Saturday we put our house for sale and it was under contract by the very next Tuesday. Blessings were pouring on our family as we were preparing to meet baby brother in February. They may not have come how we wanted them, but they came as we needed them and we are so grateful. We do miss living super close to family and friends, but I am adjusting to driving--like actually driving--to see them. Not only that, I am beyond appreciative when they come to see me. It just makes visits that much more special than living close by. Blessings.<br />
<br />
<b>Now onto the birth story!!!</b> First blessing in disguise, Tyler's sisters wanted to spend the weekend with us!! We went out to dinner with them on Friday night, played games everything was normal then. Just the same ole Braxton Hicks contractions. That night I dreamt I was in labor and the hospital was filled with people whose gowns would not close in the back and I saw lots of bums. I slept great on my couch with only one wake up like normal to pee. I think its best to do Parker's birth story with telling the time of how quickly things happened.....<br />
<br />
<b>Saturday morning 8:15 am.</b><br />
I feel a contraction that is not like my Braxton Hicks, instead its closer to my uterus like I was having period cramps. It ebbed and flowed like a contraction, and then I got another one later on during breakfast. I told Tyler and the girls I don't think we'll be going out today--these are different contractions. Lets just stay home and time them a bit, play games and I'll go shower. After I showered, I put on a diaper because I was certain that at some point today my water was going to break and when it did I didn't want to have a huge mess to clean up.<br />
We started timing the contractions. They were roughly 8 min apart, then went to 5 min apart. But here's the thing I wasn't worried. My water had not broken yet. With Emerly, my water broke first--then I had contractions and they got worse in pain and timing and 9 hours later I had her. So I was waiting for the contractions to actually feel worse. They never got worse, the pain was about the same till we got in the van.<br />
<br />
<b>9:51 am</b><br />
Call my parents to let them know that hey, we probably will have a baby in the next 24 hours you should start to head down here sometime. No rush, Tylers sisters are here but we're packing up for the hospital now.<br />
<br />
<b>9:57 am</b><br />
Call my sister to let her know that she should expect another call from me when we are at the hospital since we will be headed there soon. I talk to her about how my contractions are and how my water hasn't broken. She insistently and THANKFULLY says "J if they are five minutes apart you should be at the hospital now" Another blessing. So I listen, and tell Ty, hey babe lets hurry things along and get going soon....we should have been running out the freaking door but no, I went to go do my hair.<br />
<br />
<b>10:26 am</b><br />
I take this picture with Emerly, <br />
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and I'm crying because I just love her soo much and I know that today things change. Then we leave. In the van I tell Tyler, ooooohhhh I want my epidural right now that contraction was rough! I can't wait to get to the hospital to have my epidural! I notice he is speeding and say well babe lets drive us there safe, I mean granted we have the best excuse in the book right now to speed but we're fine.<br />
<br />
<b>10:35 am</b><br />
According to our LIFE360 app, this is when we arrived at the hospital. We walked slow in the parking lot and in the hospital and Ty was walking fast. Again I tell him, I'm walking slow there's no rush. He asks if I want a wheelchair. No I'm good, lets just go.<br />
We get to the check in door, and I pick it up "Hey I'm pretty sure I'm in labor and I would love my epidural right now please" They let us in, we go to the counter. They start asking me a few questions and I have a bit more painful contraction...so Tyler starts to answer the questions. They ask has your water broken "No" LITERALLY 3 seconds after I said that WHOOSH! My water breaks. So I say, wait no it just broke. They tell me to go to Labor room one and change. I go in, I realize Ty has my gown that I bought to look cute in pictures and go back out to get it. I grab my gown go in the bathroom and change....and then everything changes. I have no idea how I made it from the bathroom to the bed with even the gown covering my chest, but I did....hollering. Talk about a RUSH of pain.<br />
<br />
Suddenly, the nurse was in the room again with Tyler asking to check my cervix. I think I said no, I know my body was fighting against her because Tyler had to help separate my legs. When they looked, Parker was already crowning. I yelled I DONT WANT TO FEEL THIS multiple times according to Tyler....and I was told too late, baby is coming. Clearly, I was not getting my epidural nor was I getting ANY pain medication--and I might have been pissed and delirious and this point.<br />
<br />
I was not mentally, or emotionally prepared to suddenly have my water break and give birth to a baby. I wanted my epidural and to play card games and be in labor for like another hour....yeah....<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>*warning Poop coming out*</i><br />
So during these few minutes I was pushing and I could feel my poop coming out with the baby. I was LIVID that nobody was taking care of my poop so I turned to the side to pull it out myself and basically as Tyler puts it, it looked like I was going to "Monkey throw my poop at people" And yes...yes I was going to do just that. BUT he grabbed my hand and said J, don't touch your poop. Now for anyone who knows me well knows I HATE POOP--so this is very out of character for me, but also quite amusing. I was just annoyed and pissed that there was poop next to my babies head and I could seriously feel all the freaking hemorrhoids happening around my ass.<br />
<br />
The nurse who was helping me, told me that I needed to open my eyes and look at her. I needed to push. I think I did a total of 2 pushes and out he came. They put him on my lap, and he was purple. He started to breathe and then stopped so they took him away. During this time, Tyler held my left leg I believe the whole time, and I think I was also a bit positioned by other people while also screaming multiple times I DONT WANT TO FEEL THIS. I reminded Tyler to also take pictures....so pictures!<br />
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<br />
<b>TIME OF BIRTH 10:46 am</b><br />
Notice all that happened within 10 minutes. FREAKING MIRACLE that we were in the hospital. Seriously.<br />
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Then as they took him away, more pain came...and honestly it was slightly worse than the baby coming out. Placenta birth :P. It took four pushes to get my placenta out, and it hurt. THEN because this happened soo fast, I was hemorrhaging a bit I guess, and the on call doctor had not even arrived yet so they had to push on my stomach to get clots out. I instinctively would put my hands on theirs and said NO, please NO more. I did move my hands to the outside of the bed and then got to relax a bit. The on call doctor arrived after the party was over and I got stitched up with local anesthesia FINALLY some pain relief right? A huge shot in the leg and WOW we just had a baby. There was no time to put a heart monitor on me, or an IV or anything....its still mind boggling to me how fast things happened and where they happened.<br />
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He came out 7 lbs 2 oz and 19 inches long. Although some paper work has it that he is 18.89 inches...so whatever.<br />
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So far he has been a freaking chill baby. He seems to have jaundice a bit though so I think that is what is part of his lethargy but if he remains chill he is the total opposite of Emerly's birth. He latches well, but doesn't eat a lot which is part of jaundice stuff, but I'm not too worried.<br />
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Emerly was weirded out by all the people in the hospital room when she first met him. Since then she has been doting on him non stop. Wants to change his diaper, wants to nurse him and nurse with him --she has tried to suck Tylers chest even, but we've explained its just babies milk. She loves him so much right now and I hope that doesn't change anytime soon. The dogs even love him. Lucy growled and snipped at Ava like she claimed Parker, but they have chilled down. So we will see how chill he remains and how lovey Emerly stays with him as the weeks go on.<br />
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His name Parker--my maiden name is Park, so he represents A LOT of my family. middle name Reed: After his dad, Tyler Reed.<br />
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I was told by all the doctors and nurses who came to see us at the hospital that if we are to have another child, I would have to be induced or the baby would be a home birth whether we wanted to have it like that or not.<br />
On the plus side, the recovery has been AMAZING, I feel almost completely normal and its just been three days since I gave birth. Emerly's recovery was an absolute bitch and like two weeks of stinky painful hell. Granted I had other things stitched up to during that time...but I dunno, if I were to do it again there are definite pros and cons of this whole natural vs epidural. Talk to me when I'm not on post partum hormones lol.<br />
Now here's tons of pictures of people who came to visit that night--with nice pictures done by Terra...because clearly she made it on time for the actual birth :D I'm kind of grateful that wasn't photographed. I probably was a crazy person.<br />
Emerly also got "Dug" from Up and a Bracelet with a heart on it from her brother.<br />
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My dad and his picture taking skills KILL me... "Focus on me" Cuts out the baby....lol<br />
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Emerly coming in the first tiem.</div>
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She told me and Bra we needed to go with her. </div>
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Imitating his sad cry.</div>
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Its a shame I'm not looking at the camera...Good job Ty </div>
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Cross our fingers he's not like an Emerly baby.</div>
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All pictures can be seen <a href="https://terracooper.smugmug.com/Births/Parker-Brocious-birth/n-CHnG5L?fbclid=IwAR3EPPmMb64fddn2ifgA_cbzLXPcmFyWrqv0rfNy34ddIstCePDsaL30GxY">here</a></div>
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And from DAY TWO pictures Emerly REALLY loved her brother more.</div>
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And lastly, a simple side by side of my babies. Parker does have a bit of jaundice so he is darker at the moment than Emerly, but wow they are so different and yet I see similarities. </div>
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<br />Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-892917184671715672017-03-21T14:15:00.003-07:002017-03-21T14:24:22.240-07:00Welcome to the World Emerly JayClearly I'm an amazing blogger/journal writer. But considering I no longer have a full time paying job I think I will try to keep a little bit up to date things here. So to catch up, we also went to Germany--Berlin and Munich, and Prague. One day I will write about those days.<br />
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Last year we also visited, Disneyland, Mt. Rushmore, DC, San Antonio, and Kansas City.....<br />
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Now for the latest news :D We obviously got a little busy over the summer and on March 14th 10:12 am, out popped Emerly Jay at 6 lbs 12.5 oz and 19.5 inches long.<br />
I want to write down her birth story so I don't forget it, but also because some tid bits before hand I find amusing.<br />
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My last day of work was March 8th, and I feel like it was just yesterday. I was barely dilated to a one and 70% effaced. The weekend of maternity leave was slow but tiring. I tried to be more social, which is always difficult for me to want to leave the house...went bowling with friends :) got a pedicure with my mom. Went to Emerly's cousins blessing, and a game/bbq with friends on Sunday. Monday night I was kind of annoyed with everyone's questions/statements of "when is she coming? Oh your not going to be induced till the 28th? Wow you look like your going to pop, good luck with that! Did not think you would make it this far"<br />
So I decided not to worry about when she came, instead of being anxious about it I thought to myself hey....its ok, The longer she is in there the better, and be freaking grateful about it to, just be patient. But then I also thought...the longer she is in there the higher chance of still birth. Yeah, my mind is great. When Tyler came home on Monday night I told him, I want to slowly introduce her to things that might induce labor--like pineapple and spicy foods but I was ok with whenever she wanted to show up and I would try to be less anxious about it.<br />
Tyler agreed with me, (he always tries to make me happy you will find) and we got a family size (COUPON) pineapple pepperoni pizza for dinner. We only ate one piece each, but I figured I'd have leftovers all week to eat at lunch and help her come along. That night I was jokingly telling Ty, I hope that she doesn't come in the middle of the night or my water breaks on our bed. That would suck. I also hope she doesn't come tonight since I haven't showered for ever--to be fair, I was going to shower that day, but I played with my dogs instead and was too tired to care afterwards. Figured, eh I'll shower tomorrow.<br />
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Basically, with me finally relaxing about her coming....made her come :D. I did not however sleep in our bed that night as I had been choking on mucus *yummy* the previous nights so I decided to sleep in our recliner. I woke up right before 1 am with a dream that I was peeing...but I wasn't peeing, but I was wet. Since I usually wake up in the middle of the night anyways to pee, I just thought damn...missed that wake up call. So I hobbled into the bathroom (which adjoins our bedroom) and as soon as I got on the toilet WHOOSH!!! I opened the door, and said Ty....my water just broke. He groggily replies "Are you joking?" I stood up a bit and another WHOOSH of water came down...and he sat straight up. To be fair, I kind of had teased him before on two separate occasions that my water broke....<br />
So after the majority of it emptied into the toilet, I thought well I haven't felt any contractions that are different from braxton hicks...and I know you don't want to go to the hospital till they are close together, but...when your water breaks, do you go immediately?? So we googled, and called the on call doctor--your baby will be here in 24 hours its up to you when you come said google. The on call doctor, never called back....<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqYlDvGq6Y8LBWuljtNREUTvbtU590j2kCnbo6kB8q0_aSWH-1Ezsq-n4GKtSHk0vVH40_xInku-OXntNiEzvcjFCVsXxsvuv5uheizqid5wZIYVVUIyl9kyRM740mO6shYxhZ6SRsPn3l/s1600/i-qmXZQsz-XL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqYlDvGq6Y8LBWuljtNREUTvbtU590j2kCnbo6kB8q0_aSWH-1Ezsq-n4GKtSHk0vVH40_xInku-OXntNiEzvcjFCVsXxsvuv5uheizqid5wZIYVVUIyl9kyRM740mO6shYxhZ6SRsPn3l/s320/i-qmXZQsz-XL.jpg" width="213" /></a>I texted my mom and my sister (who did the birth story pictures you see throughout and below) and immediately my sister texts back I'M AWAKE! I call her, she was binge watching TV... I told her I was going to take a shower really quick instead of going to the hospital right away cause I was rank. She decided to come and meet us at our house. My sweet hilarious sister....sigh. Anyways, got showered--braided my hair, put a bit of make up on, pooped :) and Terra was there trying to usher us to go to the hospital. I said...no lets eat some breakfast really quick. This whole time the puppies were extremely worried about me and would not leave my side. Which I found interesting as they were SUPER CLINGY on Monday. Ava especially is not a clingy dog, but Monday and that night, she did not want to leave my side. Made me cry.<br />
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After we ate, made sure we had everything we decided might as well go to the hospital, baby is coming in 24 hours even if we hadn't heard back from the on call doctor. At this point I could feel the contractions--which were NOT like the braxton hicks ones I had been having for the past ten weeks. They were like period pains times 10 at that point.<br />
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We check in the hospital at 2:30 am. I had decided I wanted to try to see how long I could go without an epidural because I was scared shitless of an epidural. Too many people gave me their horror stories of what went wrong with theirs, and the needle....and my anxiety....yeah..people suck I have decided. Do not listen to them!! By 3:15 I was crying through the contractions that were only 7 minutes apart telling Tyler and Terra I can't do this...I'm scared, I don't want to do this..<br />
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So I agreed to get the epidural. With the nurse telling me what was going on, Tyler holding my hands and Terra at my side I got the epidural. Not going to lie, I think I was most anxious for that part and I really wanted to take a anti anxiety pill just for that. I was crying, but trying to remain still so I didn't get a horror story. Once that epidural kicked in--I was like, wait...what?? This is AMAZING. I can tell I'm having a contraction but like its CAKE! Not only that, it put me in a better mood--which may or may not have ruined things a little.<br />
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So the nurse put my catheter in, and as she was preparing to do that she had to clean that area...which with the epidural apparently tickled A LOT. I was laughing hysterically. Then we started to play cards to watch the time go by and I heard this really gross fart, looked at Terra and was like was that you?? She said no, that was you. Yeah...did not feel a thing. That got me worried a bit, like if I didn't feel that how the heck am I going to know when to push?<br />
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At 7:08 I was dilated to 5.5. The nurse told us I was progressing well and should have her in the afternoon. Then the nurse came back an hour later...and I was at a 9. Progression sped up like WOAH. They then said ok, we're going to let you drop or something for an hour and and then push for an hour and see how that turns out.<br />
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So about here I thought the anxiety would be massively taking over me, but no, I was chill as a cucumber. It was seriously the best. That epidural had me on such a high--zombie legged out, but happy.<br />
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When they told me to start pushing I tried, but honestly didn't feel anything. The nurse wanted to see Emerly's head a bit before she called in the doctor. Then the next thing I know the doctor is there, there are like 3 other people there and I'm being told to just push. Ty is holding one leg up, the nurse the other I think...and Terra is taking pictures while holding my head. The whole time I'm concentrating on pushing but not actually knowing if I am pushing....it was the weirdest sensation. I kind of wish I felt that way when I'm constipated lol..but that...that shit I feel come out :D. So when they put Emerly on my lap, I was still pushing...I didn't feel her come out at all.<br />
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And there she was on my lap, as soft as could be. Now before this I didn't know if I wanted skin to skin because ewe baby covered in bodily fluids, will be sticky--and lumpy etc. Nope, she was seriously so freaking soft. I immediately noticed her cone head and pig button nose. Then I was just kind of in a drug stupor of looking at her like this just came out of me?<br />
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In that drug stupor, my doctor noticed I had a septum in my vagina that apparently should not be there and could cause complications in the next pregnancy. She said she could fit 2 fingers through this extra bit of skin and asked if it would be okay if she cut it out and sewed me up. I said yes. Seriously, I don't know if I should have...but too late for that. That cut is a bitch. I did tear, only 1 1/2 degrees so she had to stitch me up there to...but in recovery when I asked Ty, man my left side hurts like hell is that where I tore? He said, no, thats where they cut you afterwards and there was a ton of blood.<br />
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Back to Emerly. She is here. We love her, and the following is the rest of the birth story in pictures. I want to follow up on this post with a post of what I've learned, how our first week was, and the baby blues.<br />
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I love her so much.<br />
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By the way, her name comes from family members. On Tyler's side Emerson is passed down through the boys--we love that name, and feminized it. Jay is after my grandpa, me, and quite a few others.<br />
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These are just a few of the pictures my sister took. If you would like to see all the pictures, let me know and I'll share the link :)<br />
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<br />Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-46181705724947721612015-08-18T16:31:00.001-07:002015-08-18T16:31:07.607-07:00Europe Trip---ParisAt this rate it might take me a year to write about our lil 2 week trip, and by that time I'm sure some details/fun thoughts would have been forgotten. Oh well, such is life.<br />
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So as we arrived in Paris, it took us awhile to find where we were staying. Mainly our fault, we didn't read the emails our host sent to us before and so we of course became the annoying guests who kept texting him "Where are the keys?" "What is the gate code?" At least he was nice and understanding. When we walked into our Airbnb place we were a bit....taken back. It looked just like it did in the pictures, just MUCH MUCH smaller. One other thing we found out about this apartment, the loft bed was easily the WORST bed in history, so we pulled up the sofa cushions and put them on the bed. Also the bathroom was sooooo tiny, that Tyler had to squeeze into the shower door sideways to get into the shower. Not really an apartment made for tall Americans, I fit in fine :D.<br />
I had one anxiety attack during our stay in Paris, and I think part of that was because we felt so cramped in the living space. So I was grateful for Tyler and his patience...as always.<br />
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Ok PARIS.<br />
The first day we were there and dropped off our stuff, we looked at the metro to see what was close and decided to go to Notre Dame before it closed. It was soo beautiful, the stained glass windows are so big and colorful--no picture does it justice. It was also free to go into, which we really like :D We walked around and followed our noses to a cafe area. I had some chicken curry with rice that tasted like cinnamon and a bit of desert--y, not like a dinner at all--it was soo good. Tyler had pasta. Our hostess was kind of annoyed with us because we were eating her food so fast, but 1--it was good 2--we were freaking hungry. After that we went to the Arch De. Triumph, as it wasn't on our list of things we had to see...but we wanted to try to fit it in. We at first thought we could walk to it....HAHAHAHAHAHA...however, by doing this we walked along the bridge full of love locks. Then we took the metro after we realized how much further we had to walk. We got in line to get passes to the top of the Arch, and we are soo happy we did since we didn't get ones for the Eiffel. Also the view is fantastic! We were up there at about 10pm so the lights on the Eiffel were on, they didn't sparkle though which they do on the hour...and these girls would not let us take a picture because they were waiting for it to sparkle. Just the start of the annoying people Tyler did not like in Paris.<br />
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Day Two<br />
VERSIALLES. If I ever went back to France again--mainly the Paris region, it would only be to go to Versialles again. It is beautiful. We left fairly early, but the line to get INTO Versailles was still WICKED long. I actually cannot comprehend why it is so long....they should take a few notes from Disneyland on how to get people inside. It wrapped around I think 8 times total...and then once you were inside the gate (you get your ticket before you wait in line btw) its free and easy. It really was mind boggling why it took an hour to get inside.<br />
Well the first time we walked in the inside area, then the outside gardens. We walked around the ENTIRE garden area - besides the Marie Antionette section, didn't care to buy tickets for that-- and did not understand why the fountains were not on, so we asked someone they said "Oh the fountains do not come on till 3:30-5:30" where it is not stated on the brochure anywhere----I could be mistaken, but I didn't see it. So we got lunch. The MOST AMAZING food OH MY GOSH. The gravy on Tylers food tasted like Thanksgiving gravy got a 10+boost of melt in my mouth and stay there. I ate every drop of that gravy with our bread rolls. So after lunch we decided to go to the BIG fountain and wait for it to turn on. 3:40.....it still isn't on. 3:50--still not on, I go ask someone why is this fountain not on yet? "Oh the Neptune fountain? That only turns on from 5:20-5:30" (Do you see why Tyler is annoyed with the French yet? No offense to any french people I know...this was just his experience) So we walk around again, to all the other fountains and come back to Neptunes fountain at 5:10, we find a spot and the fountains only go on from 5:22-5:30, we timed them.<br />
I think though that we made a really cool fountain video...but I also think I'm awesome anyways :D<br />
After that Versailles closes up basically, so we left and decided to get off at the Eiffel Tower since it was on our way back. The line to just get to the first two levels to get tickets...was ONE HOUR long. No thank you. So advice-buy tickets WAY IN ADVANCE ONLINE. We still enjoyed strolling around the park and I THINK that was the night we decided to eat super fancy. (See told you, memories are jumbled now that I'm writing it months later)<br />
Anyways, we had some really good food and sat next to a spoiled brat of a 10 year old and her grandma who was taking her for a 10 day trip to paris for her 10th birthday. She bought her granddaughter a $50 plate of food, and the girl ate just the fries. They were funny to talk to, see the other side of the extremely rich and have nothing better to do with life. Talking to Tyler we think we ate fish...and it was good, but that the restaurant was always out of something we were trying to order the first time.<br />
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Day THREE<br />
The LOUVRE. I love museums. Love them Love them Love them. So first I will go over annoyances of this museum--This one is not free, its expensive and the audio guide that you download and buy on your iPhone does not contain all the audio portions unless you want to buy more portions, or buy the nintendo 3ds audio portion. The descriptions to ALL the artifacts/paintings are only in French. SERIOUSLY, one of the biggest museums of all time only in French writing. It opens too late and closes too early for you to ever see everything in one day. We did pretty good, all but two halls in one wing. We must be really bad tourists, because we didn't really find good food around the Louvre. Worst food days of the trip. Now to the good parts-- Beautiful artwork in the museum, seriously some of the biggest and most detailed paintings I've ever seen. They had similar artifacts to the British Museum as well. Some of the rooms were soo decorated it was like the whole room was precious. We really loved it, but were saddened we missed out on two hallways. They started to physically usher us out of the hallway we were in at 5:30 even though the Louvre doesn't close till 6. I was super annoyed with this. I was like but I have 30 more minutes!!! I could have seen everything had they not ushered me.<br />
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Next morning we were headed out to Berlin, our host got us a driver to take us to the airport, which was great since apparently the taxi's were boycotting that day and the metros would have been over ran.<br />
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Overall thoughts of Paris: We like the food the most, Tyler was annoyed by a lot of people---those especially who would talk to him in French, he would try to communicate with hand signals (he's a he man) and they would still just talk to him in French even though they understood his English, or they would ignore him and talk to customers who would then translate for him. I found Paris to be really really dirty feeling. I did not feel clean at all, and I showered every day--that also contributed to the anxiety attack I had. I think if we ever return to France, it will not be to Paris--or I would be there alone with Terra--and we will research more of where we want to stay even though our place was ok, it was wayy tooo small.Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-18326096133717274562015-07-01T09:26:00.003-07:002015-07-01T09:26:59.458-07:00Europe Trip---Cardiff So we took a bus to Cardiff from London, which wasn't soo bad. I was actually surprised how BUSY the bus station was. It was INSANE. There was barely any room for people to sit, and it was a pretty big complex. They had buses going everywhere across the UK. I thought it was really cool, especially how cheap it was to for us only 10 pounds...which is roughly 15 dollars. Anyways, we get on the bus expecting it to be super packed due to how many people are going, and it wasn't at all. So I took up a row and tried to go to sleep. Note for anyone riding in a moving vehicle---make sure the seat belt buckle fasteners are tucked away, otherwise you WILL wake up with a huge pain in the back that will not go away for like a week.<br />
The view was great on the bus, all green rolling hills. Totally opposite of the hustle and bustle of London. When we got to Cardiff, the bus had two stops...which was silly as they were literally a block away from each other. Tara was right across the street to greet us which was awesome!! We then stopped at a market store (I refuse to call them grocery stores as they are the size of my house packed) and grabbed a sandwich in a box to eat. They were surprisingly better than I thought they would be, but I saw a lot of people eat them--very light but filling once you got to the second half.<br />
Tara then took us to Cardiff Castle and we went in the tunnels in the walls that they used for World War II bunkers during the air raids. I thought it was wicked cool. The Castle of course was beautiful and I sat down on a chair that you were not supposed to sit in. Oops. Tourist?? :D We left our luggage in their storage area for lawn equipment basically, and it was totally fine :). We then met up with stinker Kevin who got to see DR. WHO FILMING---seriously annoyed that I missed it by like 30 minutes or so I bet. Oh well, but seriously jelly.<br />
We then got the rental car...and they made me drive....on the wrong side of the road, on the wrong side of the car through like 7 round abouts that go the wrong direction. It was like my worst nightmare. We got to their house and dropped off our stuff and walked down to have some AMAZING Curry. The only food I didn't take a picture of. It was DELISH. We then hiked up to the "observatory"---it gets quotation marks, because when I hear this word I think telescope, It was the top of a hill with a cool art feature. However along the way we saw a toad, a hut made out of trees, and a hill turned into the shape of a horse. It was awesome.<br />
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Day TWO of Cardiff.<br />
After Tara cooked us a lovely breakfast we headed off to look at ruins. After ten minutes of me being extremely tense driving, Kevin took over THANK GOODNESS. We saw easily 5 or 6 different ruins/castles and at each one Kevin gave us the history of what was going on. It was like having a live audio guide....that you wanted to punch at times :D JK. maybe. :D I loved the castle that was at the beach, it was soo nice to see ocean and sand. I love the beach, this beach was full of jellyfish!! We thought they were dead till I posted them online and our French friend said DONT TOUCH THEM, they are still alive, they will go back later...oops. We only touched the mantle not the tentacles though. There was a naked child swimming in the ocean though....surrounds by these huge jellies, and her mom, that was interesting. There was no way I'd swim in that.<br />
We also figured out how to have fun with the pano feature on my iphone which made pictures even better :) We seemed to drive short distances to each ruin that by the time we decided to head back, it was such a long drive back I was very confused distance wise of how far we actually went.<br />
OOO Lunch was at another amazing castle, Tyler had a great soup with a cheese block in it and I had beef with mashed potatoes on top. It was sooo yummy and hearty.<br />
There were two finished castles that closed before/when we got to them so we could only go on the outside which was a bummer, because one seemed wicked close to their house. Oh well, don't know what you miss if you don't see it right? Still the outsides were beautiful. You can even have weddings at these places. AMAZING.<br />
They did get us lost on only one trail....so I think total that day we hiked like 56 floors. Tara made us dinner that night and we just chilled the rest of the night.<br />
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Day Three Cardiff.<br />
THE REASON WE CAME--(no offense Tara and Kevin) DR WHO EXPERIENCE!!!!!!!!!!!! It was AWESOME!!!!! So it is not a typical museum thing. You get your experience thing and they take you through various scenes of the Dr. Who life while on a big screen the Doctor sis giving you instructions, you have to run from Daleks not blink at Weeping Angels. It was great fun. Then it exits you out into the artifact museum of tons of costumes from the current season and some old classics. There are soo many things there I just LOVED IT. That then exits you out into the gift shop--which I spent quite a bit of money in, and wished they had more things to spend money on....lol. I got sonic screw drivers for some grand kids, notebooks for others. Ty and I got two tee shirts, I got a dalek for our puppies--which they don't care for, and a few other things for me. We then went to the water tower that was used in Torchwood all the time and Ianto's shrine.<br />
By the time all of that was over we wanted food and saw another Gourment Kitchen Burger, this time we ordered different milkshakes....stick to their chocolate :)<br />
On the train from dinner, we ran into a crazy bonkers Welsh man. He first stopped us at the station and told us we were idiots for talking about chocolate and had no sense in life but that he meant no offense and wanted to keep hearing us talk because he liked our accents I think?? Then he got in an argument with Kevin on the train about a castle...which of course Kevin took on...and another much nicer drunk next to us was telling us that Kevin was right and that guy was bonkers and he had too much to drink and didn't make it to the game but was hoping he could make it home. Oh yes, there was a huge game going on between Cardiff and Belgium for soccer and the whole main town square was full of fans getting drunk, singing, chanting. It was loud and crazy and I wanted a scarf to fit in :D .<br />
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Day FOUR--heading to Paris<br />
So the only thing I'm going to mention here is that we were basically treated like we were terrorists at the Cardiff airport. Its a podunct airport, and I think they were bored to be honest. They had me unpack three of our bags to grab things out that they considered to be liquid and needed to be a in a clear bag. Like my chapstick, my 1 oz bottle of eyeliner, my mascara....etc. Then they proceeded to tell us only ONE CLEAR BAG PER PERSON...so we had to cram everything in our tiny two bags. They were wicked annoying---and then when we tried to order food from a restaurant there they only did part of the menu, but of course that was not mentioned on the menu.<br />
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Overall thoughts: Cardiff is pretty country, sooooo freaking green it almost makes you sick. A lot of people drink there, and I'm surprised there are not more car accidents with how people drive. Its freakin scary driving in the tiny roads where only one car should fit. Our hosts/friends were awesome, even though Kevin needed to be hit more than he was. Tara is the bomb. And YEAH for them having a washer/dryer---we didnt pack enough clothes for Ty to stay clean...oops. We bought him more at Dr. Who. I LOVED DR WHO and the ruins. It was a good mixture of fun and history in this short time.Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-87375900065522023002015-06-25T13:28:00.000-07:002015-06-25T13:28:13.777-07:00Our European Extravaganza--London It's been awhile since I've written, but generally it's because I don't care to. Now I have something awesome to write and remember about. Our European Extravaganza!! I will go in order and address what we did, saw, how we felt about things etc. All pictures will be loaded on facebook--its become a scrapbook website for me. (Once I figure out how to do that from the iPhone)<br />
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Our flight plan was from SLC--> Seattle with a 3 hour layover, then to Iceland--> London, with a 55 minute layover. BTW, did not know this when you book, but if you fly through Iceland you can increase your stop over time to a week with no extra charge. Also the Iceland airport bathrooms were easily some of the cleanest, coolest bathrooms on our whole trip of public bathrooms. OOO I found a picture of them online. So those things that are hanging out to the side of the faucet---the hand dryer!! Every bathroom "stall" is completely private with its own toilet and sink, and its all automated which makes you feel really clean--plus enough room to put the baggage to the side and not cram in a wee lil stall.<br />
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Besides that we had no idea that the sun does NOT set on your flight from Seattle to Iceland as its so close to the Arctic Circle--so we were wicked tired when we landed in London. We tried to sleep, but it was a bit hard when the cute kids in front of us kept opening their windows and exclaiming... "It's still there!" They were amused by the sun not going down.</div>
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<b>LONDON</b></div>
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So we get to London, use the directions our airbnb host gave us to get to the right end of the city where we were staying at. We find some food...and seriously was not happy with it. Thought it would be cool to order an avocado chocolate and apple spinach "smoothie" with two sandwiches. (I "" smoothie, as it is really juice...and we will learn through our trip that all European "smoothies" are juice with ice) They did not get either of our sandwiches right, and when I went to fix mine they apparently didn't have anymore of it and so I ate cake that was the same price. Also, they did not give us our smoothies till we went back up ten minutes later asking them for it...in which they replied Oh those were yours?? We gave those away, guess we will make some new ones. Yeah...service in, whi Europe...doesn't exist.</div>
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Our London flat was just a few buildings away, and Ty was wonderful to get the key for us that was a half a mile away. The flat was nice, simple--but had no air conditioning and just a wee little fan. Since we were only there at night, it worked for us. We stayed in the Shoreditch area of London, very hipster vibe to it. After we cleaned up our faces we decided to mosey about the town. We ran into this awesome market. Tons of food from everywhere, tons of trinkets etc. We didn't have a lot of cash on us at the time and decided to go back the next day. Bad decision---it was only going on Sunday nights, so we missed buying anything. Anyways, we took the underground--which in London is SUPER easy to navigate through, and they have a great card system---to explore downtown London. We went to see the Tower Bridge, and as we were walking to it IT WAS OPENING and CLOSING for a cruise ship. That is a sign of good luck :) We also went into some cool church---plenty of those in Europe. Decided to walk to the Globe Theatre and see if we could get any tickets to any show, but alas we did not plan ahead (as you will notice a few times in this trip) and they were sold out till the day we left. We also tried to go to the Tower of London, but it was closed--no worries we made it there again in two days. </div>
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We then walked around the area some more till our stomachs said FEED ME SEYMOUR (guess that movie) and stopped at a place called "Gourmet Kitchen Burger" It was fantastic! It reminded me of Red Robin, we had their truffle cheese fries--always get things with the word truffle in it, their chocolate milkshake was to die for and cheeseburgers, I added pineapple on mine. Delish. We then went home exhausted and ready for the next day. </div>
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DAY TWO: We left semi early in the morning to make it to the British Museum, which has been one of those "you must go here in your lifetime" places for me. Before we got there, we tried to find breakfast. Once again we found a place serving "smoothies" the girl grabbed it from the fridge below her and shook it and put it on the counter---needless to say, we walked away. We did find another place that did smoothies and pastries, but at least they made their "smoothie" fresh, so it was decent enough, </div>
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We entered the British Museum from the back side, since we actually got lost trying to find it. Worked out ok for us. Spent six hours in there going from room to room and floor to floor. I loved it. I think Ty likes looking at the artifacts to, he doesn't complain and is willing to do crazy fun poses in front of the objects/statues/paintings with me. We also ate lunch there which cost an arm and a leg. We had Salmon that was encased in deep fried breading, and a chicken pot pie. Even though they don't serve breakfast they serve hearty lunches. While we were eating lunch an alarm went off and it said "A fire alarm has been activated in a different part of the museum, please stay where you are" The employees rolled their eyes like it happens every day. </div>
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Things we LOVED about the British Museum: It is actually possible to finish in one day, the artifacts have different languages describing them. The crowds were not too crazy, except by the Rosetta Stone. People were wicked nice there, and would offer to take your picture. There are Hands on tables at almost every section, and we were lucky enough to play with a lot of the tables--just have to have an employee there, who gives you more history of the objects. OOO and big plus ITS FREE.</div>
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Things we didn't like: The lack of really cool things in the gift shop--hehe, the audio guide was also very opinionated. It would say things like "this could have been a basket or a crown on her head if we imagine it" It was silly, but British for sure. </div>
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We then decided to go to the Harry Potter 9 and 3/4 quarters area which is NOT in King's Cross Station where they filmed it. Its in the underground station that is across the street from King's Cross Train Station, so we took pictures at both places. There was a funny bird cage in between them with a swing in it to, we had a bit of fun there. By that time, we decided we needed to get food---and the places we sat at at King's Cross were only serving alcohol. That was something we did not like about London, the kitchen would be closed..but the bar was open. Or the kitchen would be closed for 45 minutes if you wanted to wait. Luckily the place right next to our loft opened their kitchen to make us truffle mac and cheese. Again, truffle cheese...AMAZING. </div>
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Day Three: We decided to go see the Changing of the Guards at Buckingham Palace. There was 3 or 4 people in front of us, when this shorter Indian woman decided to lean her entire body on mine as if to push me forward. Honestly, I haven't had someone that close to me in a public place since I was a teenager at a concert trying to get to the front row in a mass of sweaty bodies. I swiped my hand across my back and bum two times, and she still kept laying on my practically. On the third time, I turned around and said "Don't touch me!" She looked me annoyed, and moved to the guy next to us, who was more freaked out than I was. She moved on...but we saw her later that day at the Tower of London, lol. Anyways, changing of the guards----was kind of lame--we left a bit of the way through it and took pictures around, then decided to go to the Tower of London.</div>
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Even though the Tower of London is expensive, we really enjoyed it. We jumped on a tour guide at the start of the gate as it was free to join, and our tour guide was hilarious. We went through the museums with the crown jewels--cant take pictures there (or a lot of places in Europe) and the armory which was really cool. We thought that it was kind of ridiculous how much gold they have made into silly items. Overall we really enjoyed our time there, and would recommend it to anyone--it is over priced, but still worth a go. We had fish and chips for lunch outside of it, and the portions were soo big we ended up handing our leftovers to these funny teenage boys from the midwest that I was sneaking fries to. He was like mom I'm soo hungry, those fish and chips look so good. They were a funny family and we talked to them for a bit.<br /> After the Tower of London we went to go see Big Ben, the Parliament building and Westminster Abbey. Right when you walk out of the underground Big Ben is RIGHT in front of you, and is super impressive. It was such a beautiful building, I couldn't stop looking at it. Then we went to Westminster, and the tours were all out....BUT their services were going on, in which you can go to for free...just no pictures, so OF COURSE we went to service. We're religious, and we can appreciate other religions. It was interesting since I'd say 98% of the congregation were tourists, but their choir and priests were not. The choir was kind of amazing for only 6 or 8 people. We then crossed the bridge and tried to go to the London Dungeon or aquarium--but closed, and the line for the London Eye was wicked long. So we walked through the park till our noses smelt something delicious. We ate at Archdukes. AMAZING!!!! We had 4 non alcoholic cocktails, I had chicken and fries--it was ok, tasted like a fancy chicken finger and Ty totally won at this dinner, it was like rice, with spinach sauce, and marinara in a deep fried roll...I don't even know--it was gooood. I had a brownie for dessert that tasted more like a truffle, and Ty had ice cream. We then went home, feeling that we ended London on a great note. </div>
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Overall thoughts on London---Its kind of dirty, wish that the food places would open earlier, and the kitchens would stay open late. Loved how easy transit was. EVERYONE is practically running in London till you hit a tourist spot, everyone seems to be in a such a hurry. We would go back there again. Did not like that the pound is practically double a dollar...makes it very expensive when you think your actually getting a deal, then you look at your bank account...lol. </div>
Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-85313836195788549122012-05-01T20:57:00.000-07:002012-05-01T20:57:10.773-07:00Tyler and Jen blogging together....second time<br />
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Jen: Tyler I hate this new blog layout....im soo confused.<br />
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Tyler: Its just like a google doc<br />
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Jen: Hmmph.<br />
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Tyler: (inappropriate comment for bloggers to read)<br />
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Jen: ok lets get back to this blog. We need to write maybe one every two months. New Goal ok?<br />
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Tyler: Im beyond goals, i don't need any goals<br />
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Jen: Why are you being difficult?<br />
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Tyler: I'm 25 I do what I want.<br />
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Jen: I love you...moving on...ok so we biked 9.7 miles today :)<br />
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Tyler: It was a ten mile bike ride<br />
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Jen: Dont round up, it was 9.7<br />
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Tyler: We also had mashed potatoes<br />
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Jen: Are we always going to tell them what we had for dinner, if so you forgot that they were garlic mashed potatoes, and we had stuffing along with chocolate milk. Very carby.<br />
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Tyler: Way too many details.<br />
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Jen: Ok, well i'm done with the blog, anything you want to say?<br />
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Tyler: I clipped my fingernails<br />
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Jen: Worst blogger ever. Sorry everyone, I thought tonight would be more amusing. Till the next month we decided to "blog together"Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-78901439252750083442012-03-19T17:44:00.003-07:002012-03-19T17:54:53.877-07:00From TylerTyler says that if "we" have a blog, he needs to contribute, so here I am now being his personal secretary writing.<br /><br />Tyler: I would like to start by saying I am thoroughly disappointed in my secretary because our blog does not have a subtitle "blogging together to stay together"<br /><br />Jen: Stupid.<br /><br />Tyler: I would appreciate it if I was not interrupted by my secretary.<br /><br />Jen: ....<br /><br />Tyler: We had mac and cheese for dinner today. Also Chinese teacher gone!<br /><br />Jen: No one knows we had a Chinese teacher at our house<br /><br />Tyler: I know. Also, we had a Chinese teacher for the last three months.<br /><br />Jen: Continue.<br /><br />Tyler: Thats all for today.<br /><br />Jen: I can't believe you wasted the updating of our blog once every few months for those short sentences...so now I will take over.<br /><br />Ok we had a CRAZY chinese teacher at our house the past three months because we apparently like to rescue things in need...and she was in need...so she was in the basement of our house, and basically we shared the kitchen and bathroom. THings were o....k....but I wanted to talk to her about some issues that had arisen before her husband came over, which resulted in a text msg from her "I don't like the talk, I want to move out, give me a few days to find a new host family" I never got to talk to her, and she moved out on sunday....and we have been very happy about it actually. Now hosting foreigners isn't always bad, my mum has a wonderful girl from Germany at her house right now...so yeah.<br />Lets see other things that have happened since the last post...We have a wonderful house in Roy, right off the border of Clinton so I get confused still with street names. I'm full time at my job, I love my job. I have paid about 200+ in teacher fees to renew licenses get licenses, background etc this month and am really annoyed by it. lol. Tyler will hopefully be done with school this summer but won't walk till december because they dont do the walk thing in the summer...don't know if he'll do the walk thing because of that.<br />We're searching for a Bichpoo puppy, its a mix between a bichon friese and a poodle. We really wanted a poodle mix cause poodles are smart and hypoallergenic, and im slightly allergic...but didn't want a poodle...and we like that mix. Hopefully the puppy will be with our family in June.<br />Lets see...what else....um...I really enjoy the bike trail by our house, just wish the weather was nicer. Ok I think thats good for our blog every once in awhile. Hope you all enjoyed hearing from tyler, lol.Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-38445424324051738812011-04-05T10:04:00.000-07:002011-04-05T10:12:05.581-07:00In the past months.Heres the update in short for the past few months<br />I got a job at North Davis Jr High as a special education teacher for math, part-time, 7th graders. LOVE my job...because of that..<br />...I am going back to school for my sped endorsement, and since they are masters courses I thought--Hey lets apply for a masters degree...so....<br />I got accepted into the Masters of Education program at Weber...Yay More School!! (hehe..not)...and hopefully I will go full time in my job next year *crosses fingers*<br /><br />Me and Ty don't like our crazy landlords who even broke into our apt one day...so we would like our money to go to something nice and have been looking for a house (mostly short sales) since January--actively, we did 3 hours of house looking last saturday<br /><br />I have gone back on medication, which is fantastic for me as the first months of our marriage were probably the hardest with me going cold turkey off medication for awhile. So go Obama health care there (seriously).<br /><br />I have pretty much the most amazing bike, and love to go bike riding with ty. <br />I still play video games, read books, and have tried really hard to save money with coupons. Ok thats good for a few months. See you!Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-31000785093349351712010-06-04T15:25:00.001-07:002010-06-04T15:38:14.447-07:00My wedding was awesome. We were married by Elder Holland, which was such an honor I just spilled into tears when I saw him. We still have to write down the advice he gave us. It did not rain during pictures at the temple, just as soon as we were done it did. The reception was cool, I do not recommend the decorator or the linen lady since they both ditched the day of the wedding and did not finish their job and therefore my sister basically did it, who btw, she is awesome. It literally POURED for like 20 minutes at the reception, it stopped, so we did the cake eating, flower tossing, garter throwing, and then I said to myself---its my reception, it might rain again LETS DANCE. So we all danced in the puddles under the ruined chinese lanterns. It was awesome. Tylers grandma even danced with my mom. <br /><br />My honeymoon was freaking amazing. Cruise for 7 days with my hubby, Terra (my best friend and sister) and her husband Josh. So much better going with people and having crazy know it all about the cruise Josh on board. First day to places went to Princess Bahama island, snorkeled, Terra lost her hat but then people fished it out with a pole, it shrunk. Then to Jamaica, we almost didn't port due to the conflicts, but ported at Ocho Rios, and went climbing up Dunne River Falls--which was awesome--Terra and her big heart bought a 40$ dvd of the climb. Then went tubing down a river and got sung Bob Marley songs all the way done. Tipped soo many people there, got a cool hair thing for $5 dollars. Then it rained when we left--awesome timing. Next stop was Caymen Islands, went to go swim with sting rays and dolphins. AMAZING. Sting Rays are very sweet and soft, and the water was soo warm. The dolphin we swam with was Ziggy, he was hilirious, bought the RIDICULOUSLY priced dvd $70, well half-sies, but still...gahhhhhhhhhh....so awesome. Last place to visit was Cazu Mel Mexico. Best place for shopping and haggling, Terra still doesnt know how to barter. For instance her big heart said ok to 3 necklaces for 35$....me I got 6 for 30$ later that day and tyler got a hammock for 15$, he was super happy. Went snorkling, saw TONS of fish, eels, and clear jelly fish--SO COOL. Rode in dune buggies all over the island, which i suggest doing, do not do scooters as you might die with the traffic. Ate chicken tacos on the beach made by our awesome guide, got to see a very small "ruin" seriously smallest ruin ever. Paid to use a toilet that was disgusting, and went on a tour at the tequila factory--they gave us honey to taste since we didn't want to drink the tequila.<br /><br /><br />Now I'm living in a house that I can't breathe in because it stinks of wet dog. I have had like two asthma attacks because of it. So our landlord is so freaking awesome and is replacing it, so that we stay. Which is just way cool since we painted the place and I really like it. I also want to kill the birds in the tree next to our bedroom window, they wake up sooo early. Also I have no internet cause we can't afford it till I get a job. SO I came to my parents house, and I have applied to about 10 jobs....got one rejection notice within 5 minutes. Awesome. Not. It makes me cry that I can't get a job. I hate looking at the teacher-teacher site and seeing oh I've applied for over 70 jobs in the past 6 months and still nothing.<br /><br />Ok so thats my update for the next few months. :D Hope your all doing well.Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-34305061568435765702010-04-08T14:01:00.000-07:002010-04-08T14:03:39.965-07:00If you have gone private will you please send me an invite to your blog, as most of the invites got sent to spam and so forth deleted I have also changed my email to jennicabrocious@yahoo.com<div><br /></div><div>Oh and for updates: I'm engaged, getting married the 18th of May, its a tuesday, I hate ostrich feathers, I really need a stable job, I'm hoping to be hired on as a Special Ed teacher cause there is pretty much the same chance of me shaking hands with Abe Lincoln as there is of me getting hired as a history teacher. </div><div><br /></div><div>I love Tyler.</div><div><br /></div><div>Not enough for you? WELL CALL ME. :D</div>Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-59260597973051001502009-11-16T13:21:00.000-08:002009-11-16T18:39:15.893-08:00so um, Hi blog world...againYeah, so its been awhile eh? Since May...well I have been reading other people's blogs at least, and today I FINALLY caught up on actually commenting on them, so I started reading at 12:30...and now its 2:20....in between that time, my mum and Ben came over and I played "hit" which is sword fighting while eating sandwhich's...so yeah...obviously I'm not working today.<div><br /></div><div>So here's my life so far lately in a nut shell in case anyone wants to know, and for my future references back, cause thats what journals are for, even if they are bloggy.</div><div><br /></div><div>Work--I'm substituting for Davis County Schools, mostly North Davis Jr High and Syracuse Jr High at least 3-5 times a week. I love the kids, its just very exhausting to have to build that student-teacher relationship/respect each time I go to a new class, so I am thankful for those two schools that call me back loads and have me teach the same students over and over</div><div>I am applying for new jobs almost every day I have time, a day off....on teachers-teachers, checking districts openings, and sadly I have even resorted to applying to be a secretary. It pains me literally to think that I have to do something I don't want to do.</div><div>I want to be a history teacher soo much, its horrid when I'm in the shower or dreaming of a wonderful lesson plan, and I have no students to implement it to. : ( Not only that, I would really really love a stable full-time job so I can start saving up for some things.... ;).</div><div><br /></div><div>Tyler--Gah, i love this kid, he is such a nerd and I am perfectly ok with that cause he is so ridiculously patient with me on my crazy antics. We would like to get married.... @_@ (<--thats a rolly eye emoticon) but lets see...I refuse to accept a ring till he does a few things, one of them is to buy a freaking car already!!! It annoys me to no blessed end how he does not have a car, and that he sees no reason as to why he needs one so he takes foreverrrrrrr to find one....at least this past month he has test drove two cars, on the first one the people lied to us from the beginning, saying they didnt know a lot about the car since they were the 2nd owners, there was an accident--it was the other drivers fault, etc. all this junk, we loved the car, I was stoked for it, then we carfaxed it..... :( They were the only owners, and the other driver to the accident....a CONCRETE BARRIER!! Then the last car he liked, the guy sold it the day before he went to test drive it...Tyler is uber picky with what he wants to, something around 50-80k miles on it, a hatchback, and between $5-8k...and I want it to have 4 doors on it. So if anyone knows of this miracle car that we have yet to find under the rainbow, please let me know.</div><div>Ty just went to San Antonio for work and got another raise, so its not like the boy isn't making money :P</div><div><br /></div><div>Also I am bloody sick of people asking "So when are you getting married?" Me and Ty are not really the average normal Mormon couple seeing as we have been dating on and off for 4...5 years, he's been off his mission um since last june so over a year...but yes, I am ready to marry him....but I really want a full time stable job before then, and for him to have a bloody car. We get that question more times than anything else....it can drive a person mad. </div><div><br /></div><div>>>edited out and posted in private<<</div><div><br /></div><div>Family is as always crazy wonderful. I practically live at Terra's house 75% of the week, Caleb and Corbin are (unbiasedly) the CUTEST kids ever. Stink pots for sure, but cute :). They make my week a lot better.</div><div><br /></div><div>Other than that, nothing new....nothing old....I'm utterly bored a lot since Ty works full time and goes to school at night, so if anyone would like to do anything give me a call</div><div><br /></div><div>Oh and I got banned for hacking my favorite game...that was a bad weekend, lol...if you haven't noticed yet, I'm as nerdy as Tyler....probably why we fit so well. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>PS. I just noticed, I have had this blog for almost one year...total 7 posts Woot Go me :D</div><div><br /></div>Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-32657608866610782062009-05-16T10:38:00.000-07:002009-05-16T11:37:29.965-07:00Hiking A lotSo lately Tyler has decided that we need to go hiking....and in his opinion, he would love to go everyday. So far I know he hiked Adams Canyon at least 3 or 4 times last week alone, I hiked it once with him. I am so out of shape but I am so grateful that when I go hiking with him, he doesnt mind stopping every 20 feet for me to get a drink or catch my breathe. Hopefully, this summer will put me back into shape.<br /><br />This week we babysat at my aunts house up by 12th street in Ogden and after we were done decided to drive in the canyon till we found a trail. We stopped off maybe about a mile inward of the canyon at what is called Indian Trail I think...We didnt do the whole hike, as it goes around the mountain in various ways and ends off at 22nd street. So we looked at the map and decided to go to what is called Nevada Point which is 1.8 miles into the hike. The hike is beautiful and safe for the most part if you want to take kids to it. There is a lot of uphill, and great views of the canyon, and a stream that runs through it most of the way. I was so happy we finished this hike, a total of 3.6 miles, that we stopped off at one of our favorite food spots and picked up a half dozen Mormon Muffins as a reward :D<br /><br />On Wednesday, we decided to use the State Park Pass my dad got from the library (which btw, every davis county library has one, you can go into ANY state park for free--get to check it out for a week) and go to Antelope Island, still had to pay $2 but still...we used my GPS and I plugged in lots of geocaches (www.geocaching.com -- like a free treasure hunt) on Antelope Island for us to find. Out of the 10 I plugged in, we found 3.<br /><br />The first one is by the front of the park, the second was a multi-cache, which means you have to go from point to point in order to find the next clue that will bring you to the final cache. We drove along the east side of the island and ended up at the Ranch wandering around for 30 minutes at least trying to follow my coordinates. I gave up and asked the rancher if he knew what I was looking for...he did...laughed at us, we were about 300 feet off track, and gave us a cool medallion and pointed us to the cache.<br /><br />On our way back I noticed a cache that cooresponded with a hike. Tyler really wanted to hike of course, so that was the next one. So began our FOUR HOUR hike up to Frarry Peak (the top most part of Antelope Island) We thought it would take 2 hours, or we wouldnt have done it due to time...silly us..anyways, this hike is completely uphill till you get to the top, there are some flat areas that I was very grateful for. It is 4 miles one way, 4 miles the other (which is then all down hill) the last .2 miles of the hike are the most difficult, and there are 2 landslide areas about 2 feet across that one wrong step, and your sliding down. Its not steep enough to kill you, but enough to scare the bejibus out of you. The cruel part was that to get to the final cache at the top of the hill...we had to hike down another 200 feet, and up another 200 feet...The bugs were out soo much, I could barely sign the log. Another part I didnt like, was you would think you were at the top, get to that summit...and see the trail going on to the hill next to it you didnt see. Got sunburnt a little. But now me and Tyler can say we hiked to the top of that thing, I dont recommend taking kids on this hike till they are older at least 8 or 10 and bring food and plenty of water, (and TP just in case), maybe even a hiking stick as you will be on your butt going down from the top part of that .2 lol.<br /><br />The next day, my leg hurt sooo bad. And on friday Tyler ran a 5k with his little sister for their school. I would have ran it with them, but I missed the sign up date, so I got pictures and was the water girl.<br />My computer and camera connector dont seem to want to work together, so I will post pictures up of some of these adventures when they do.<br /><br />Next week I'm going to Duck Beach North Carolina for what I call Morman Spring Break with my friend Ryan, Im super stoked to go to the beach, and maybe hike some trails up to light houses. But really excited to see some friends from last year.<br />Also some time this summer, Tyler wants to go on a road trip and we will go to Page AZ (his mission area) and Cali, I know he wants me to hike this one hike that is half way in water...we will see how the weather is, if its hot im all for it.<br /><br />I applied to a historian job on HAFB as the teacher jobs are becoming fewer to find, and harder to get an interview with. I really hope I can get a job by the end of summer. If not, I'll be applying out of town...and I dont want that....ugh...<br />So that is the uppity date for this month, see ya next month or when i get my computer camera working. If your private please add me jeamie_sm_15@yahoo.com I love keeping in touch with everyone.Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-70403026727843836282009-04-29T13:10:00.000-07:002009-04-29T14:55:55.628-07:00GradumationSo i finally took that blasted test, and passed the class...now i finally graduate...the question is which thing to i go to? Do i go to the Social Science one or Education? I got a letter from SS...but when tyler went to pick my cap and gown up he got stuff from Ed...just my luck I'll go to the wrong one, and my name wont be called...awkward.<br />In other news, applying for jobs like mad with districts, but of course Utah is retarded and nobody is really hiring any new teachers, so I put my money on me going out of state for my first year of teaching at least.<br />Ya know with all the money that Obama has in his bail-out, why has none of it gone to education? I'm a little put out with that.<br />I am excited to go to Duck, there is something about the East Coast now, that I just can't resist, I really do love it.<br />So thats the update of my life this month, nothing new really has happened besides that.Jennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3119017357799859456.post-80204847192739661552009-03-14T21:51:00.000-07:002009-03-14T22:08:24.334-07:00Cinderella did not show up tonightWell I find that I post about once a month, that seems like a good number till I get married and am away from family...hahahahaha.....like Terra would let that happen again.<br /><br />Anywho...<br /><br />Well tonight was the military ball, Tyler's dad is in the military and they do this big hoorah up at the Capitol. However, I was stressing, and stressing hard. I didn't know what kind of dress to wear, so I had a gift card to Kohl's I thought I would use, and to no avail could not find a dress. So i decided ok, well whats his family wearing? He texted me back saying everyone was going in formals so Coolio I can wear my prom dress again, i love that dress, it even has its own name the "pink banana" so I started getting ready around 5 put my hair in curlers, etc.<br />Yet when I took my hair out, it wasn't curled at all...so i plugged in the curling iron, and started madly curling away...still looked like poop and wouldnt hold....so i tried to do it up, figured hey i got quite a few curls going on there, I can try to do the do I had for prom. WRONG-OH....<br />So i took out the 30 odd bobby pins in my hair, and all the curls that were there before...completely gone. My hair was not being my friend in the least bit, I had no make up on yet, and of course I'm breaking out on my chin like mad again...and I started to cry....<br /><br />For those of you who don't know yet for some odd reason, I was diagnosed a "major depressive" person oh, what 4 years ago or 5 now...and have taken all sorts of medication since, thankfully I've been on the right medication for 2 years, was stable enough to move out of state for awhile even. Yet every sooo often the sneaky little monster gets back in my head, needless to say I became a basket case tonight and didn't go to the ball, I blame my hair....lol<br /><br />However, on a happier note, I am so grateful for Tyler. He is so understanding when I have my bad days, and always ready to help me in any way he can even if its just to hold me while i ball my eyes out for no reason. His sister didn't ask anyone to the ball, so I told Tyler to go be her date, and he agreed with me. I am so lucky to have someone so patient in my life.<br /><br />I know that I've gotten a bit worse since school has gotten out, and I've had nothing to do. I admitted to my doctor, when I have nothing to do, I get more down...so its a good thing my friend Amy is taking me to the Utah Teachers Recruiting Fair at U of U on Tuesday which means I need to write my resume and have copies made on monday, and make sure I dont have a bad hair day again :D. Then on Wednesday I get my subsitute teaching thingy finally, hopefully subsitute more after that just to get me back to doing stuff.<br /><br />I know when I finally get a job teaching, I'm going to be soo occupied with it and soo happy no matter where it is. I just love it soo much. I even loved student-teaching, I didn't mind not being paid even though the students would say "WHAT?!?!?! Your not getting paid for this?" I loved making up assignments, and correcting them, and helping the kids out. I'm really grateful to also graduate with an Art History Minor...even though you technically can't with a History Teaching Degree...do do do. I love history---oooo me and tyler should go to Egypt on our honeymoon...whenever that may be ; ). thats the idea of today anyways...tomorrow Disney CruiseJennicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17849481203511559013noreply@blogger.com6